In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
