cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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