cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
