Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
