he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
