Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
