someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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