Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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