mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
