Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize