fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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