I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
