hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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