how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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