Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We got so high we made milksteak
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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