i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
