i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
