I hate all girls vehemently.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
