Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
