yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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