In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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