Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
