so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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