ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
