Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I love you.
Bad choice
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
