It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
