i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
