hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
