girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
