things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
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and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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