somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i drank out of a bidet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
