I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
