I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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