If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
