I cannot find my penis.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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