heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
