Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
sex in a hospital.. check
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
