I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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