So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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