I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is my gift to your gina
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
