why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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