you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
