More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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