I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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