Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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