either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
