I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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