Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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