Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
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I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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