Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
