This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
