I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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