i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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