Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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