dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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