I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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