we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
