you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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