Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
