Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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