Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
