Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im drinking this country out of the recession.
...so i touched it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
